1. I really like the background information you give in this paragraph. It helps the reader get a good idea of what you're going to be referring to throughout the paper. I think it would help to add some more transitions and metacommentary in this paragraph in order for it to flow more easily
2. I like the personal connection you make to Iowa, it makes the paper feel more personal. Some of the information in this paragraph doesn't seem essential to your paper. Although this paragraph elaborates on the tourism and its growth, some of the specific facts about the tourism don't seem to be necessary.
3. I like how your voice is used in this paragraph. You're quotes and statistics combined with your voice help make this paragraph very purposeful.
4. I think you should elaborate a little more on the cons of the species on the community in regards to the water access. After writing that quote try adding a sentence or two in order to explain why it's an issue or what will happen if they impair the water sources. I would also add some more explanation before your last sentence in this paragraph to help back up your claim.
5. This paragraph is strong and your quote really fits well in the context you put it in. Good job!
6. I think this paragraph could be paired with the last paragraph. They both involve the same ideas and discuss the water cleaning process.
7. I really like how your voice comes out in this paragraph and how you strongly take a stand on your opinion. Change "most" to "mostly". I do think you should reintroduce Vasto's argument before you bring it up again in this paragraph. This paragraph overall really ties in the previous paragraph and is a strong contribution to your overall paper.
8. I like the transitions from one idea to the next in this paragraph. It flows very well. I like the use of your question before you answer it and describe how these mussels have traveled. It builds up suspense and makes the reader excited! This paragraph also helps bring in a global perspective and ties in how exactly zebra mussels get to other areas. The last sentence of this paragraph doesn't seem necessary. Although it provides a transition to the next paragraph within the topic sentence, i don't think the detail adds much to the paper or the purpose of the paragraph.
9. I think you have the right idea with this paragraph but i think it's a little choppy. Try adding more transition phrases and metacommentary to make this paragraph flow more.
10. I really like your use of quotes in this paragraph. It's a strong research filled paragraph that helps the reader understand the details about the IMO and its purpose.
11. I think adding more of your voice earlier in this paragraph would make it stronger. The end is strong but it would help to add your opinion and stance on some of the quotes and ideas you bring up throughout the paragraph!
12. I think this is a strong closing paragraph and it helps reiterate your main ideas. Although, I would add more about the education aspect you mentioned earlier on in your paper or rephrase that sentence instead to include something you addressed more in your paper.
Overall this paper is very good! I think one of the strongest points is the transitions between each paragraph, you really did a great job of making the ideas connect and flow between each paragraph break. Some of the paragraphs themselves can be a bit choppy which is why I suggest adding more transition phrases and metacommentary! I also think you did a great job of utilizing your research and did a great job of including quotes that added to your paper. I loved when i heard your voice so in the paper and I think it would strengthen your paper more if you added a little more of your voice throughout it! Besides that, good job and loved reading your paper!
